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This is a repost of an old blog post that was one of my favorites. We were lucky enough to have Nike for several more years after I wrote this, but he is gone now. It’s been a couple of years, but we still miss him terribly and think of him often. This is a little tribute post to a good friend and a hilarious cat! 

I couldn’t do a blog without a mention of my best pal and favorite cat, Nike Sneakers Frankenweenie, also known as Nikes, Nikers, Fat Boy, Nike Dog, and Sneakie Weekers. (Obviously the kids had something to do with naming him.) We’ve had him for about 12 years now and he is the smartest cat we’ve ever had and also the one with the most attitude or at least “cattitude”. Definitely a character. He kind of reminds me of an old Marlon Brando in a cat suit.

Here he is snuggled up in a blanket. Over the years, I’ve written down some of the funny and rather bizarre things he’s done and I wanted to share them with you.

  1. Aquariums are for fish, not cats. Upon finding an empty one, I will not climb into it on a DAILY basis and go to sleep with all four feet in the air and my face mushed against the glass. If I do so, I will at least have the good grace to stay put until my human gets his camera ready.
  2. I do not need to drop in on the neighbors every now and then. They don’t appreciate finding me prowling around their house at 3:00 in the morning.
  3. Dresser drawers are meant for clothes, not for cats to hide and play in. Especially when they slither in behind the drawers like furry snakes and get stuck.
  4. I know I have a good vocabulary, for a cat. I understand my name, “treats?”, “wanna go outside”, and “gerbils”. And I can ask nicely to go out, have a drink, be fed or petted, and go see the gerbils. So why can’t I understand the word “no”?
  5. I will not sit on every newspaper or book in my human’s lap. I can NOT read through my butt!
  6. There are a number of doors in the house and several obliging humans to open and close them for me. I will no longer insist on going in and out the kitchen or basement windows when the door is available.
  7. Getting to go into the backyard is a privilege, not a right. I will not wake up my humans and demand to be let out at 3 a.m., because I’m only allowed out during daylight; and even I can see if it’s still dark or not.
  8. I will not commit “drive-by” attacks on my human’s legs when she walks through the house at night.
  9. If I lie on the window sill at night, I will not roll over in my sleep and fall off. Alternatively, I will not wake up the entire house at 4:00 A.M. by fussing to go out because I see a bird or another cat in the yard.
  10. If I ask to go out and don’t get it let out, I will not sit and give sulky little meows – for hours!
  11. While crossing the street, I will not stop in the middle and wait for on-coming cars to get out of MY way. This can be a self-limiting activity.
  12. I will not become upset with my human because it is raining. My human may control the faucets and the shower, but I will have to take up the rain with a higher authority.
  13. I do not need to steal green beans off Mom’s plate. I know she will always save me one – even if I usually barf it up later.
  14. If my human is throwing a ball for the neighbor’s dog and accidentally hits me in the head, I will not chase the poor, terrified dog all the way back to her yard. Especially since she is three times my size.
  15. Same thing with the kids – I will not chase them through the kitchen clawing at their legs. It makes them scream.
  16. I will not pick fights with strange dogs many times my size. One of these days, it’s going to get me in trouble. I will also not tease the dogs in the neighboring yards by sunning myself five feet from their fence.
  17. There are rules about biting. If they are messing with me, Mom and the kids get a warning nibble first. Dad just gets bit – first time, every time.
  18. I am allowed to visit with the gerbils, but not when I climb on top of their cages. A 14 lb. cat on a plastic lid is not a good idea. And it makes the poor things very nervous.
  19. I will not pick fights with Frisbie the gerbil, even if she IS fascinating because she is the same black and white colors as me. Fighting with her isn’t very sporting and sometimes I don’t even win.
  20. I cannot beat up every dog and cat in the neighborhood. Some really are tougher than me.
  21. I will not antagonize the puppy that lives in my house to chase me, and then run out the cat door I know he’s way too big to get through now.
  22. I will not drive Dad crazy by curling up in the shelves in his closet at night. He may think I am outside and spent half an hour calling for me, then see a pair of sleepy eyes peeking out from his shirts. Same thing for Mom’s fluffy square dance slips.
  23. I will not lie on my back and go to sleep in the baby’s bassinet, even though I think it is very considerate of my people to come up with such a nice, comfy cat bed.
  24. Sleeping on Mom’s feet is OK, but I will not stretch out to my entire length along her inner leg. I am a big cat, and she can’t turn over when I do that.
  25. I will not just lay there and let Mom make up the bed with me in it. After a while, I won’t be able to breathe!
  26. I do not have to lie on Dad’s chest for exactly 10 minutes before I move over and sleep on Mom’s ankles for the rest of the night.
  27. I do not need to smell Mom’s prescription bottles EVERY morning. I should be convinced by now that there is nothing good to eat in there.
  28. I will not get up on the bathroom sink and knock over everything I can reach. Then I will not sit there and wait for someone to put them all back so I can knock them over again.
  29. I will not eat all the Nerf toys and Styrofoam peanuts lying around the house. I makes my poop turn funny colors.
  30. If I want to go out, I know I need to bat at the flyswatter that is hanging on the doorknob. That is my way of knocking on the door. When I want to come back in, I can either cry piteously at the door, or jump down into the window well outside Mom’s stamp room and scare the heck out of her.

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3 Comments on Nike Sneakers Frankenweenie

  1. Awww, well, you had me at the name. But smartest cat on earth, that’s debatable…mine’s IQ is bordering genius levels…just sayin’…:) It’s the war of the cat owners, I think 🙂

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