Did you ever (poke) wonder what it (poke) is like for a cleanie (poke poke) living in the same house with (poke) a messie? I’d imagine (poke) it’s just like living with someone just randomly poking you all__the__time.
The clutter doesn’t bother us, we have the ability to just tune it out. But when you’re a cleanie, that’s just not possible for you. And every piece of paper, cup, and all that clutter everywhere they look is just one more poke to them.
|photo credit: megan leetz via photopin cc|
I think most Moms can easily relate to that. How many times have you had one of your kids who is just pestering you like that and is getting on your last nerve? You know, that kid who says mommy. Mommy. MOMMY! about one thousand times until you think your ears are going to bleed. Or the one who kicks the table leg or snaps her gum for the 85th time? How hard was it to just not snap back at them?
That’s exactly the way your cleanie partner feels about your situation when he or she has to come home to a messie house day after day. It doesn’t feel comfortable to them and it isn’t a place where they can truly relax and be comfortable. I feel that way, when I am in a house that is hospital-grade clean. I just feel tense because I think I’m going to mess something up if I so much as breathe.
If you love someone, why would you want to do that to them? They have probably been trying to tell you about it for years, and you’ve just ignored them or discounted their feelings. But think about it for a moment. This is their HOME – it’s the only place they have where they can go to unwind at the end of the day. If there is no corner of the house anywhere that they can have the peace and beauty they crave – that’s just sad.
Maybe you can’t change your messie ways 100% (or maybe you can?) and you probably shouldn’t have to. But maybe you could start being a more considerate partner to the cleanie you love. Start talking. And start listening. Brainstorm some ideas, talk about some compromises, think outside the box a bit. Maybe between the two of you, you can come up with a compromise that will provide a comfortable space for both the messie and the cleanie to make it feel like home to both of you. It’s certainly worth a try, and you both might be happier for it.
Here is a book I recommend by author Sandra Felton – a former Messie herself. You might find it helpful.