Breaking Up with Food?

I read somewhere about this lady who said she had “broken up” with cheese and had lost about 30 pounds. I guess that has stuck right in my little brain. I mean really, how do you “break up” with food? Do you send it a “Dear John” letter? Do you give back the ring (made out of swiss cheese holes, of course!) Just have the talk with it?

I think I must be a polygamist. Makes sense, that stuff is pretty popular here in Utah. I’d have to break up with both carbs and cheese to get anywhere. And then I’d probably starve to death. ‘Cuz cheese and carbs are about all I eat. Well, except for fats and sugars. (Note to self – stop wondering why you keep gaining weight.) Well, I guess starving to death is kind of the point, isn’t it?

I know you’re supposed eat fruits and veggies and all these whole grains and stuff, but how exactly do you do that? I mean, do they make Veggie Helper? Do they have Stouffer’s fruit plate with whole grains? Does Rice-a-roni come in Salmon flavor? Keep in mind that I was raised on TV Dinners – Banquet TV dinners, the real cheap kind. That’s how my Mom did the grocery shopping, she bought a big stack of TV dinners and stacked them up in the freezer. I’m not quite that bad, but I definitely didn’t pick up the cooking gene.

If it takes more than 10 minutes and two ingredients to prepare, I’m baffled. Not to mention that my family will not eat anything with onions, tomatoes, or any vegetables other than corn and green beans – especially mushrooms. Well, Blake will eat brocoli and cauliflower on occasion and I’ve can get Tony to eat zuchini a couple of times a year, but that’s about the extent of it. You try cooking healthy meals like that!

Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ve got a couple of Dear John letters to write. At least until I can fit back into my favorite pair of pants!


  1. roflmao!

    thanx for my laugh for the day!!!


  2. Adrian, you are hilarious!

    My issue with eating non-fatty foods is that I get so hungry soon after eating. Nothing like some good ol grease and carbs to fill a person up. LOL

  3. I just TOTALLY brok up with my beloved CHOCOLATE VANILLA CREME POP TARTS but not cuz I want to. EFFING KELLOGGS discontinued them!! HOW RUDE!!

    I think I will write KELLOGGS a Dear John letter and they won’t like it!!


  4. Trick ’em. Sneak stuff in and they’ll never know. Grind carrots up into sauces. Use turkey instead of beef and pork. Sneak in whole grain breads.

Speak Your Mind